Venting

I need to learn how to not be so hard on myself.

Yeah right.

I am probably the most organized person I know. I’m not crazy anal or anything, and I’m not ODC or whatever, I just have this fairly strict sense of things I need to do in a specific amount of time because I’m a fucking adult and I have things that need to get done. There’s always Something. I’m always doing Something. (Just a side note: this specific amount of time is a week. I don’t know why it’s a week, it’s just the way of things. I live circularly. I write circularly I guess it just makes sense.)

The things (Somethings) that need to get done are all pretty straightforward: Kids have to go to school. That means there’s laundry and lunches to be prepared, which means trips to the grocery store on a schedule (every Sunday and Thursday). That also means doctors appointments, dentist and orthodontist appointments, homework checkups, and the occasional ride to orchestra or home from swim practice. There’s meal planning for the week for the entire family and daily mandatory house cleaning because if I don’t keep up it all goes to hell real fast. Then of course there’s work–real actual day job work, and even though I’m fortunate to have a job that I don’t have to bring home, it’s still nine hours (sometimes ten depending on traffic) that’s being taken up by Something. And then of course there’s the thousand little things, feed the cats, check the litter box, check to make sure there’s litter and food for the cats in the first place–oh and also are there paper towels?

Weekends are family time, bath time, take the kids swimming, D&D with the youth group etc.

Something.

There’s always Something going on, so when I get a few hours to relax or a little “break to write” I’m usually not in the correct headspace to do that. I end up watching anime or binge-watching Midnight Mass (highly recommended btw), or writing a fucking blog post, and I don’t get to that chapter because fuck it’s hard and I don’t want to go back to that scene where I couldn’t figure out why the dialogue isn’t working, and why am I not just focusing on audiobook narrating because it seems to be going better and it’s easier to get jobs that actually pay?

I get really mad at myself if a week goes by and all my time is taken up by Somethings I had to get done and I didn’t have any time to work on my current writing project. Which is a fucking stupid thing to think because there’s always a little extra time. I’m just not always managing it perfectly. There’s always a few hours here and there I could be devoting to placing my ass in my chair and staring at Word. But I’m watching brilliantly written vampire shows and k-pop videos and scrolling through Pinterest for The Raven Cycle fan art because I. Like. It.

And see, that’s what I’m talking about. I spend fifty plus hours a week devoted to work, and then also have to do all this prep for the kids and school, meals, laundry, cleaning, pet care, exercising–Jesus H Christ the list just goes on–and then I expect myself to just be a robot and work some more. Like hours and hours more. No down time needed, writing is fun, we love writing. Writing IS downtime.

Most weeks I do it. Most weeks I’m an exemplary fucking human being, spitting up 12K, sometimes 15K words on top of all this other living and Somethings I do. (Real talk: it’s not all usable. Maybe I keep 8K on average?) And sometimes I get ALL that shit done AND I narrate a fucking audiobook as well. Hell yeah, I’m a machine.

I’m sure this is some kind of trauma. This is probably leftovers from being pressured to be perfect all the time and toss everything that even slightly smells of Second Best.

I really wish I could just chill the fuck out. I want to have a few weeks (months would be nice) of not stressing out over not losing weight, or not writing the best novel ever, or ah fuck I wanted to go to that thing but I’m too tired so I’m a fucking failure of a friend.

I think I actually do a pretty good job. Most of the time.

It’s just once in a while, there’s a lot of Somethings. And I can’t fit in the somethings I want unless I risk burning out. I need to just chill, and think about how many important Somethings I do get done every day. The other somethings will still be around when I have time and the brainpower. I just need to be kinder to myself. I need to be okay with vegging out and watching Squid Game.

I need a fucking vacation.

“The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in the Beauty of Their Dreams” – Eleanor Roosevelt

I %100 did not meet my goal of getting a journal post up last week. Oops. I have a good excuse though, promise.

Okay, so, first thing’s first: I have now finished two novel narrations. The first is past the author/publisher’s checks and now it’s on to Audible approval. I should hear back (hopefully) soon. I’ll put the link to it up here, but it’s the billionaire romance so I don’t expect anyone that follows me to actually read (listen to) it. It’s cool, don’t worry about it.

The second is an urban fantasy and that one was really fun to narrate. I got to try out some silly accents, it had a nice range of emotions and style choices, and bonus! The story is kind of fun! It got a little harry there for about a week because I got behind and didn’t have the time I thought I would to record. Well, actually, recording is the easy part. After I record all the chapters, I have to go back through and cut out all my bloopers and that takes FOREVER. Then I have to do a third pass, reading along as I listen to make sure it’s accurate to the actual text. If I’ve messed up a phrase, or flubbed a word or something, I have to go back, record that piece again, and then splice it into the final cut. Waaahh, such a long process! But I did it. I turned it in on the due date and it’s waiting approval now.

I’m trying not to be nervous about it, but there is so much in there, and so many voices and accents they might not like? Bluuuh. Oh well, nothing to do but turn my energies on the next one. This third novel is a drama/military/tragedy and wooaaa it’s heavy. I also have to do it all in a southern accent. It’s not actually that hard, the hardest part is going back to talking normal once I’ve left the studio haha.

All in all I’m loving it. There are so many weird things I wouldn’t have thought of before starting this whole thing. Like, for example, I think Rule Number One of audio narration should be ALWAYS HAVE CHAPSTICK ON HAND. It’s a must, otherwise when your mouth begins to dry up – and it will – your lips start to click and it’s Super Loud on the microphone. Random huh? But good to know.

Also, Jesus Christ AIRPLANES. I forgot I live next to an airport! How many freaking planes fly over my house per hour?? SIX! SIX PLANES AN HOUR!! …It’s cool though, it’s cool. It’s only in the afternoon. Someday I’ll live somewhere quiet and I’ll have an actual studio office with soundproofing…. … someday.

In other news, I’ve also submitted my writing for the Norwescon Writer’s Workshop. I almost didn’t, having had a not-so-great-experience last year. (Maybe I’ll talk about that later bluh.) However, the workshop is where I met my current writer’s group, and I’ve already made so many good connections through the process that it would be irresponsible of me not to try and do it again. I submitted the first chapter of my horror/thriller+superheros novel, so that should be fun. If I make it in, I hope everyone gives me the “superhero trend is dying out” speech so I can punch them. Not really. But maybe.

Okay, I think that’s all the major things that have happened in the past few months. I hope everyone is doing well, and that things are looking up for you in this new year. If you ever feel lonely or need someone to talk to about… well, anything, but mostly nerdy stuff, hit me up. I am down for feelings jams, especially if we get to scream about anime or awesome tv shows or something.

Love your pets, be nice to people, and have a good one!

“What sense I had just took her panties off and laid down in front of him.” ― Tiffany Reisz, Submit to Desire

I tried to find the silliest quote for the title of this entry, and well… there you go. You may be wondering why I have a quote from an erotic novel as my title, so let me explain:

I am now in talks for a contract to narrate an erotic novel. Yup.

Last week I decided to find out how audiobook narrators found jobs and stumbled across a site where you can make a profile and put up voice samples and search books looking for narrators. I did some research to see if the site was legit and the internet was basically in agreement that it was, so I went for it.

I found a couple of my favorite narrators and modeled my profile after theirs, then hit up my brother in law to see if I could use his studio. My bro in law is a musician and choral director and he runs a business recording and mixing audio for the schools in the area so kids can still have their music education during the pandemic. It’s pretty awesome. Anyway, his studio is cool, it’s just in his house, so I went over and recorded some samples and a few auditions for some books. It took about four hours, which really isn’t that bad considering I’ve done eight to ten hour stretches in a studio back when I was doing music.

Long story long, I uploaded my samples to my profile and submitted my auditions. I didn’t think anything would come from it actually, I just wanted to get myself out there.

But then Tuesday morning I had an offer for an audition. Not one I had submitted for, but someone random coming to me. They had listened to my samples and wanted to offer me a chance to audition for their book. It’s a psychology book about anxiety in relationships. So of course I said hell yeah and got the info.

BUT THEN I got an email responding to one of my auditions! I got the job! They are interested! Yessss!

Quick note: it was the only erotic novel in the stack of auditions. I mean, of course it was.

I don’t feel weird about it, it’s acting. It’s a job. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I need to build up a portfolio and romance is probably the way to do it quickly so…

I’m super excited. I’ll post the details once everything is done. Maybe link some stuff and you can check it out if you want. Or not because would that be weird? Meh, whatever.

I hope everyone has a good holiday. I’m not real big into Thanksgiving, considering the history and all, but I do like food? I also don’t really like Christmas but oh well. I will just concentrate on narrating and finishing this YA novel and not gaining 20lbs before the end of the year.

Peace out. Pet your pets. Have a good one.

I Tried To Take One Day At A Time, But Several Days Have Attacked Me At Once

Hello again folks. I hope everyone is having a safe summer. I hope no one is going mad, stuck in their houses with their children for months on end. I hope everyone is finding something to do that’s calming, or soothing, or at least distracting. Because holy cow, I am going pretty stir crazy.

I have been doing some fun projects though. I bought a few bird feeders and placed them in various spots in the front and back yard. I made sure to get different kinds too, so we have food for the bigger birds like the blue-jays, robins, and woodpeckers, not just the peep peep birds. (I know they’re called finches but “peep peep” sounds better when you have a three year old.) We even leave out a pile of peanuts in the shells for the crows. It’s a goddamn menagerie up in here now.

I’ve also been trying some new cooking things. I’m experimenting with different kinds of flour, or no flour, or using oats instead–that turned out pretty good actually. My daughter and I went by the Asian market and bought some ingredients for Korean foods like Tteobokki which is a spicy stir-fried rice cake. Super good if you eat it in ramen with sausages and lots of veggies. Oh, and I’ve decided that I’m eating sandwiches for breakfast until I’m old and all my teeth fall out. Sandwiches are the best and are especially good if they are the first thing you get to eat in the morning. (Also you can stay pretty low-cal if you get a good wheat bread and go easy on the mayo.)

There have also been some drawing and painting projects I’ve gotten myself into, but by far the coolest thing I’ve started is knitting. I taught myself how to do it last week by watching 8,000 hours of YouTube how-to’s. I bought a huge thing of cheap yarn and just went for it. Super hard at first, but after a while your fingers sort of get the idea. Funny story though: you have to look at your hands when you’re knitting, so when I tried to find something to watch while I did it, I got frustrated because everything–and I mean everything–in all my queues is foreign. As in subtitled. And since I refuse to listen to the atrocity that is English dubs, I didn’t actually have anything to watch. I know, I know, first world problem, but it was still annoying. I thought about just listening to a few audio books (started the Cartographer series by AC Cobble. Not bad, fantasy murder mystery with horror elements + steampunk) but I was set on having a show going while I worked. So I ended up marathoning Hannibal for the fourth time because it’s available on Netflix and I’m a sucker for Hugh Dancy’s ability to look like a kicked puppy and a lumberjack porn star at the same time. Also the crime scenes in that show are so over the top it’s great.

So there it is. Some knitting. I took that picture a few days in so that piece is longer now and sports a few holes where I fucked it up, but hey, progress.

As for writing, it’s going kind of slow. Not a lot of motivation. I’ve written a few short things, and re-worked some of the novel re-write (God that is starting to piss me off) but not much to report. However, I am headed to Port Townsend this weekend for a few days of relaxation alone in an inn by the water. I’m hoping the peace and quiet will get some things in my brain moving. And if not, at least I will be able to recharge my batteries.

I hope everyone is doing well, staying safe and healthy, loving their pets, and finding some creative outlets for whatever you might be going through. Have a great weekend, and I will update again soon!

I’m Trash Because I Love Hunky, Man-Chest Book Covers

I published a book.

I mean, yes, it’s a book but it’s more a novella. It’s a fun little story I wrote for shits and giggles about two dirty-mouthed pirates that fall in love with each other over food. A reader of mine was kind enough to offer their editing services and the niece of one of my writing group pals is a artist/designer. Long story short: I received free editing and free cover art for the book and I am beyond grateful. I don’t know what I would have done without them. (Actually I do: I would have had a stock image cover and a bunch of typos. The end.)

It’s doing fairly well. I didn’t expect much from it, but it’s been steadily making money and the little line graph thing in the sales section of Kindle Publishing is headed in an upward slant, not a downward, so I guess that’s not bad for my first try.

All that is making me excited for the book I’m writing now. It’s a mashup of romance, super heroes, and a little body horror because I’m weird.

But hey, back to the first book. I had a time trying to figure out what I wanted on the cover. I searched the top 100 Gay Romance novels on Amazon, but that was kind of boring, so I searched “gay romance covers” on Google and that got some pretty amazing results. This one is my favorite:

Image result for gay romance covers

It’s just fantastic. I’m going to read the shit out of this book when it arrives (yes I bought it).

There’s also this one.

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Please go to the Goodreads page and check out the synopsis. If you’re not dying to read this book after that, friendship with me is off the table.

Besides the book–sorry, novella–publishing stuff, things have been kind of weird. If you haven’t heard, there’s this virus going around. It’s in the news and stuff, you probably heard about it, I don’t know. I live about 15 minutes north of Seattle, so I’m a stone’s throw from one of the two American hot spots. I haven’t actually seen any of the stuff they’ve been reporting on the news, like hospitals overcrowding or riots in grocery stores, but I can tell you that traffic is really, really good. In Seattle. In the middle of the day. It’s insane.

Oh, update on my last post: My daughter is doing well, back to using her keyboard so she’s playing lots of video games during this pandemic. The skin is red and strange-looking but healing, which is the most important thing. Jokes about alien skin or attacks from acid dragons are in the near future, I’m sure.

I hope everyone is safe and healthy and getting all the things they need and are not hoarding toilet paper or sanitizer like assholes because that’s selfish and stupid. Just saying.

Pet your pets and take care of yourselves! Have a good one!

Grocery Line Epiphanies

Stories are everywhere.

I met an old man in line at the grocery store yesterday. He was friendly and from what I could tell, he was kind. He acquiesced his place in line to a mother with two kids and a cart full of stuff, even though I think he had gotten there first and he had maybe five items in his basket. Someone who gives up a spot in line at the busy hour, to someone who has at least two hundred dollars worth of stuff to ring up, is probably a saint.

I was curious so I stepped in behind him and struck up a conversation. I have experience with the elderly from my time working geriatric care, and I’m pretty confident in my ability to engage. He really was extremely friendly, and funny. I discovered that he had lived in one of the big houses down the street from my parents while I was growing up. Crazy coincidence. He and his wife had nine children, and are right now expecting their twelfth great grandchild.

It took four minutes to get to know the basics of this man’s life. He remembered his last three addresses, all the way back to the 1940’s. He could tell me about machine shops during the war, about his kids swimming at the lake on hot days, and all the names of every dog he had ever owned. It was amazing.

Only when he had finished paying for his small bag of groceries and started to head out, turning to give me a little wave and a sweet smile, did I realize I never asked his name.

I have no idea what the point of this musing is, not really. I was just thinking about how every person you pass on the street, or say “excuse me” to on the bus, or stand behind in line at the grocery store has a life, and a story. Not every person is going to be a nice old man that likes ice cream and telling stories about his kids–most are probably shit bags actually, but the whole thing just got me thinking.

I love discovering bits and pieces of lives like that, it’s very inspiring. I highly recommend taking some time to just listen to people once in a while. Ask questions. Collect characters and ideas from real situations. It makes it more authentic and believable, immersive.

Again, I have no idea what the point of this post is. I’m 190,000 words into the novel and my brain is starting to function on some strange plane between exhausted and teetering on the edge of a fourth dimensional epiphany. Or psychosis. One of those.

I hope everyone is having a good week.

Backlog Post #3

Originally Posted 07/31/19

I’ve been playing too much Merge Dragons.

What is Merge Dragons? It’s a mobile game where you can merge three eggs and make a cute dragon. Then merge three dragons to make a bigger dragon, and so on and so on. You can actually merge three of anything in the game to make something better or bigger or whatever. The point is, it’s cute, it’s addictive, and it unfortunately makes me want to spend real money.

It also gives me nightmares, apparently.

Last night I dreamed my mother (not my real mother, just a faceless mother in a dream) was dying in a big hospital and I was having difficulty managing my time doing regular life things and spending time with her. The reason I was having difficulty, was because I was apparently an Arrow/Robin Hood type of superhero. My mom would want to talk about things and make sure I was paying all my bills and stuff, but then something terrible would happen and I would have to leave and go be a super hero. It was depressing and sad and a little stressful.

The reason why I think Merge Dragons had a hand in this nightmare, was because the last week or so I’ve been obsessed with merging enough mushrooms to get one of the ultimate level 8 mushrooms – the Alien Shrooms.

If you’ve ever played a mobile game that you really liked, you understand how it sucks you in. You’ll play for hours just doing random silly shit like farming grass or picking corn or catching fairies for nothing more than a reward of 10 jewels so you can get the Blue Cow! Or the Special Butterfly! Or the goddamn Apple Tree! And after too many hours and too many days wasted trying so hard to create or buy this stupid thing, you start to look at the money system in the game and wonder if maybe you should just drop $35 and buy 1000 jewels. Fuck!

So that’s where I was last night right before I went to bed. I want that goddamn, stupid, mushroom. I don’t know why, maybe my dragons will be able to harvest something cool from it like fungus balls I can sell for money. Surly it can’t be just because I want one in my garden, right?

Okay, back to the dream.

I hear something out the window of my mom’s hospital room, and there’s a flash of light and screaming so, of course, super hero time. I kiss my mom, run out, and then I’m outside in my super hero outfit because dream logic.

And there it is. It’s a fucking gigantic alien mushroom monster. It sort of looks like the one in the game, but it’s got another level to it, like it’s taller, and all those little things at the bottom are skulls. Granted, the thing is still kind of cute, but then it manifests a hammer on it’s head and starts smashing buildings. I do my Arrow/Robin Hood thing and fight off all the people that are–I guess–mind controlled by this thing, and then swing into the air like Spiderman for some reason and do cool heart-attack inducing aerial battle for like five seconds, but then it manages to knock me away and smashes the hospital where my mom is staying…

I woke up.

I haven’t played Merge Dragons yet today. I’m not sure I want to. Do I still want the mushroom? I don’t know.

Backlog Post #2

Originally Posted 06/17/2019

Today I’m going to try and explain the comments about writers groups in my last post, because, if I can, I want to save as many people as possible from stumbling into the same trap I did. Also, I’m not the first person to write a blog post about this so don’t come here expecting to learn anything new. This is just my personal experience.

Okay, where to begin? Well, let’s go back a bit.

I started looking for a writer’s group in 2011, but I only went to two meetups. The first was only three other people and they all just talked about their book ideas because apparently, no one in the group had actually fucking written anything yet. The other group was a bunch of older people reminiscing about how great their writing careers used to be. They had also not written anything in years. So I basically said “screw this” and stopped looking for a writing group because I don’t have time for that kind of shit.

Fast forward to 2018. There I was, twelve years later and 1,293,759+ words published online. Granted, more than half of that was fanfiction, but it was still writing. I was still creating stories that people were reading every day. I also had a nice chunk done on my first original novel and I needed someone to read it. Someone who was not my best friend or my husband and might actually have some experience. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and best friend are amazing and I don’t know what I would do without them, but they read my stuff to tell me how awesome I am, not to critique. I recommend this for all aspiring writers. Sometimes you just need cheerleaders.

Anyway, back to the story. I braved Meetup again, despite my reservations, and found a group that sounded promising. This group meets twice a month at a cute cafe in Seattle and they are relatively serious about their work. They even have this thing where whoever wants their stuff critiqued, submits their work in a file on the group page so people can download and read it before the meetup. Holy shit awesome. So I signed up, downloaded the submissions that were going to be discussed, and got super excited.

I have to say those first few sessions were pretty cool. The group follows the Milford Style of critiquing, which is great. In Milford, you go round robin and everyone gets a turn talking about the submitted work, while the author says nothing. Responding to the critique comes after everyone speaks. There’s also a time limit of 3-5 minutes for every critiquer. Simple. There were some really fun stories and the camaraderie was really uplifting. I felt inspired for the first time in a long time, and knowing I had a group of writers that I could turn to if I was really stuck was amazing. By the fourth session I was ready to bring in my own stuff. I submitted the first chapter (maybe chapter and a half?) of my novel and got it critiqued the next weekend. It went really well, got a lot of positive feedback, and I felt pretty good about it.

Now, this is where it starts to get hard to explain.

I want to make one thing clear first: I’m not writing this post about a writer’s group I think is bad because I wrote something and they didn’t like it. No no. The group actually went out of their way to tell me that my writing is actually quite good, excellent in fact. The problems with this group go much deeper so just bear with me as I try to explain the fuck-uppary.

I think I need to explain groupthink before I continue. And since I’m lazy, I’m going to copy-paste from Wikipedia because their synopsis is quick and dirty. Here you go:

“Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. Group members try to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation of alternative viewpoints by actively suppressing dissenting viewpoints, and by isolating themselves from outside influences.

Groupthink requires individuals to avoid raising controversial issues or alternative solutions, and there is loss of individual creativity, uniqueness and independent thinking. The dysfunctional group dynamics of the “ingroup” produces an “illusion of invulnerability” (an inflated certainty that the right decision has been made). Thus the “ingroup” significantly overrates its own abilities in decision-making and significantly underrates the abilities of its opponents (the “outgroup”). Furthermore, groupthink can produce dehumanizing actions against the “outgroup”.”

Basically, groupthink is a weird phenomenon where individual members of a small group tend to accept a viewpoint or rationalization that represents a perceived group consensus. The consensus might not even be valid, or real, or even for the best, it’s just a consensus that avoids conflict. Everyone agrees so that no one disagrees because conflict is hard to deal with.

Groupthink is so fucking prevalent in this writer’s group, it’s insane. There are three (maybe four?) people who I would label the “ingroup”. Two of them are moderators, unfortunately, and the other two are writers that are considered “semi-professional” within the community because they’ve had a few (like one, maybe two) short stories published in a magazine. These four people write in the same genre (fantasy/sci-fi), have basically the same ideas for how a story is supposed to go (it’s weirdly specific), and all have a strange hatred of men?? One of them is a man, so this last one is extra weird to me.

So these four individual’s ideals sort of run the whole show. When things that are not Sci-fi or fantasy, or some off-shoot of those two genres is submitted, everyone kind of turns up their noses at it. There is always a much harsher critique of male characters than female, and there is usually a discussion of the structure if the submission doesn’t follow the formula this group likes. Also, and this is the weirdest part, when stories are being worked on in the session and we’re starting the round robin, you can feel a shift in the atmosphere as one of these four people speak. It’s like everyone is waiting for them to talk because they need to know the direction this critique is taking.

It feels like a hive mind. It took me almost seven months of attending these sessions before I realized that everyone has stopped writing for themselves. Nothing is completely original anymore. I mean, there are good ideas for sure, and some great characters, but it’s all mashed into these unspoken guidelines because everyone is just writing for the group.

All of this is totally unintentional. I have no hard feelings when it comes to this particular thing. Groupthink is just something that happens and I feel so sorry for the ten or so writers that come every week, desperate for feedback from their trusted writing group but are just getting a bunch of personal feelings and convoluted advice back. It sucks. They’re pretty much stuck in this loop of struggling writing while being critiqued by other struggling writers so there’s never any real solutions to things that aren’t working. The work never gets truly polished, just molded into another story that works within the expectations of this group.

Okay. I’ve been nice up to this point. Now it’s time to get fucking real.

The group definitely looks for things to critique, not bits they don’t understand or parts that aren’t working. They definitely will read something and if there’s nothing really glaring or obvious, instead of just talking about how they liked it, they will go out of their way to pick at something completely, COMPLETELY irrelevant. “Would a dog really cock its head like that?” “Are you sure her hair is limp after being in the rain? This line about its dampness really took me out because you talked about it being thick in the last chapter.” “This section really took me out because I just don’t think he would pet the cat.”

Drives. Me. Fucking. Nuts.

If you like something, just say you like it and move on. Are you trying to show off? Are you showing us how superior you are by noticing something wrong when the rest of us missed it? It’s a CAT. He just stopped to pet the cat for like three seconds, it doesn’t matter! And what’s worse, is that after one of the four leaders does something like that, the weird groupthink thing will kick in and then everybody will start commenting on how “oh yeah, that took me out too! why is he petting the cat? it’s so strange!” when two minutes ago no one cared about that bit at all.

When I got to the Norwest Con Workshop, I voiced some concerns over my novel that were brought up by the Groupthink writer’s group and everyone kind of scratched their heads. The Norwest Con group responded with: No, my protagonist was actually very sympathetic. No, the magic absolutely made sense. And my favorite: No, you can absolutely have humor during an intense fight scene. It was so wonderful, the relief that flowed through me was almost painful. The members of the Norwest Con Workshop gave me solid critique, plus a ton of encouragement and inspiration, and basically shot down everything the Groupthink group said about it.

By the end of the Norwest Con weekend, Groupthink writer’s group was a kind of a joke. Neil Clarke told me flat out I should just find another writer’s group because if they were making me this discouraged and giving me bonkers critique, I shouldn’t associate myself with them. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but Neil is a professional. It’s taken me weeks to get past my doubts and to realize that I was truly in a toxic writing environment, but I think now I’m finally getting over it.

I haven’t gone back, to the Groupthink writer’s group I mean. And I haven’t spoken to anyone in the group since, besides when I ran into a few of them at Norwest Con. (More on that later because it’s insane.)

Sometimes I slip and think “no, I overreacted, they were all pretty good writers and they were just trying to help me”, but then I look back at my work and I think “no, this is good stuff and I feel good about it.” And that’s what it boils down to. Write because you love it, and learn to love what you write. I guess I just don’t want anyone to get stuck like I did. Writer’s groups are great, but you need to not rely on them for everything. Don’t take everything they say to heart because it’s very likely none of them are professionals. Use them for accountability, for camaraderie, and inspiration, but don’t make a writing group your sole source for feedback.

I also have to add one last little thing because it’s another weird quirk about Groupthink group.

They have very strange taste in books. According to the mods, Dune by Frank Herbert is in the same realm as Twilight: a book that somehow got popular but is actually written badly and has no plot. Also, Steven King’s books are contrived and are all so similar to each other that they’re unreadable. Also, there should never be sex in books because it’s always silly and ruins the flow if it’s something other than romance.

?? …So apparently I also have terrible taste I guess?

Anyway, that’s it for today. Maybe now, dear readers, you will understand my mindset for the last few months. I’ve experienced writer’s block before, but up until now, it’s all been internal. External writer’s block is a bitch. Stay away from that shit.

Have a good week everyone! Wash your face, clip your nails–try not to bite them. Always pet your pets (unless you have fish, don’t pet fish).

Backlog Post #1

Originally Posted 06/09/2019

I always start these things with something about not updating in a while and how sorry I am, but I’m skipping that part this time. I am not sorry for not updating since December because I’ve had a hell of a couple months (well, actually five, and that’s like half a year almost? jeez).

Norwest Con was pretty amazing–and awful at the same time. I’ll talk about the amazing parts because the bad parts have nothing to do with writing and I want to talk about writing.

The Norwest Con workshop was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It was enlightening, inspirational, helpful, motivating, and everything else I could have ever wanted. Neil Clarke of Clarkesworld Magazine was my group’s clinician, and besides being the most precious cinnamon roll on the planet, he was a bubbling fountain of useful information about the publishing industry. I am and will forever be so grateful for his help and advice. The other thing that made this workshop so amazing was the fact that my group got along so well! We like each other so much, and appreciate each others writing and critique so much that we formed our own writer’s group that meets once a month. It’s so so so so amazing because, for the first time, I feel like I’m actually getting real feedback. REAL and HELPFUL feedback from writers I respect and admire–and that, I kid you not, is like finding treasure. Holy shit good writing groups are so hard to find. (More on that in the next post.)

Besides the workshop, I also got to participate in a couple of really good writing classes. At first, I felt like I didn’t need them because they were for things like plot structure and character building, and I feel pretty solid in those two things, but oh ho ho. I am a fledgling writer with delusions of grandeur and am very nieve about a lot of things. Never turn down the opportunity to learn from a professional. Never. Not only did I glean a fuck-ton of useful information about writing in general, but I also made a few really good connections. Totally worth it. It was awesome.

So that was the good stuff. I’m going to keep the bad stuff to a minimum because I feel like it deserves its own post. Yeah, it’s that complicated. Let’s just summarize it today as: I was extremely drained by the end because some people don’t have a filter and don’t have the social know-how to know when it’s time to stop talking. I’m too nice and I paid for it. (It also ties into the cryptic statement I made about writing groups, so again, more on that later.)

Okay, some rando stuff besides Norwest Con:

My other writing has been going well. My horror story is almost done, and I’ve got a few other short horror story ideas in the works. I’ve decided to do an anthology!

We went on our first family vacation! We drove down to California in a trailer and saw some family. The short version of that is that is was really fun and I’m glad we did it.

Crypticon was in May. Awesome. My daughter went as Jigsaw the puppet and that went over very well, also saw some really great cosplay, and my best friend and I got to watch some new independent films that were screening. I will probably talk more about that later too.

My daughter who started hip hop dance at the beginning of this school year had her first dance recital and it was awesome. Very stressful, but awesome.

And I’ve lost another 10 pounds, which I am quite proud of.

I hope you all are doing well. Don’t be afraid to stop by here or on Facebook or Instagram and say hello. I don’t bite very hard. Stay cool as the weather gets hotter. Drink water, wash your hair, wear lip balm, exfoliate, pet your dog or cat or snake, etc. Take care of you. Have a good week!